Zack

  This year has been a whirlwind of challenges and triumphs, a testament to strength, resilience, and the power of love. It was undoubtedly tough at times, especially with Zack’s journey through chemo. Watching him face such a daunting battle has been emotional, testing our limits as a family. There were moments of exhaustion and worry, but Zack’s bravery has been nothing short of inspiring. It reminded us how precious life is and strengthened our bond in ways we never expected. Amid the hardships, we made it a priority to create moments of joy—memories we’ll treasure forever. From quiet days spent together at home, finding comfort in each other’s presence, to planning special outings that helped us focus on the good amidst the chaos, these moments gave us hope. Whether it was celebrating small milestones in Zack’s treatment, sharing laughter over simple family dinners, or just taking time to breathe and appreciate the little things, these highlights reminded us of how much light c...

Its hard to keep track of time here. I think it’s been four days since we came to the hospital, but everything blurs together. I keep watching the machines in Zack's  room, as if by staring at them I can make sure he’s okay. It’s so strange how quickly the sight of tubes and monitors has become normal, though I’ll never get used to the beeping. Every little sound makes my heart skip. Zack is handling all of this far better than I would have expected—maybe even better than I am. He  doesn't like the food  (can’t blame him!). The chairs in this room feel like they’re made of bricks, and the hallway outside his door seems to be a motorway for medical carts all night. It’s noisy and cold, but at least it’s warm next to him. The doctors are reassuring, but I don’t think they realize how hard it is for a parent to hear words like “monitoring” and “observation.” Every phrase feels like it’s coated in medical caution. Today, though, they said there’s a good chance we could g...

  Having a sick child can be one of the most emotionally overwhelming experiences for a parent. It often brings a deep sense of helplessness, especially when you can’t immediately make things better for your child. The worry and fear for their well-being can weigh heavily, keeping you up at night, and the uncertainty of how long the illness will last or how severe it might become can be emotionally draining. At the same time, it often comes with a strong desire to be strong for them, to protect and comfort them as much as possible. Every small improvement brings a sense of relief, but the anxiety tends to linger in the background. There’s a blend of love, worry, exhaustion, and hope that seems to pull you in different directions, but the priority always remains clear — to do whatever you can for your child, no matter how difficult it feels. We have been in GOSH for two whole days now as Zack's port has been blocked. Which means he can't have blood tests or receive his chemo. It...

  Another milestone - a year today Zack has his port fitted this was the start of our new reality. The start of our journey, our new normal. (Already wrote a blog about his port - if you Havnt read it and want to know more)   This week we had a long chemo, we always expect a long day but this was something else.  We had a hearing appointment first which was all fine. Chemo can affect a persons hearing so it needs fo be monitored. So Zack is a pro at this now.  We head to the chemo ward and all is fine, we wait for the dr and the chemo. It all takes a long time and by now Zack is getting restless and won't sleep. They eventually hook him up to his chemo and he's exhausted so he sits in buggy with a cracker all happy and enjoying old McDonald.  Zack always tries so get his port out as I think it itches him (so far until this day he has never succeeded) I put him on my lap and go to pick up something from the floor the next thing I know Zack is screaming, there is ...

Scan results  Scan results were good positive for now, but I can't help think about the what ifs in the future, I guess that will play on my mind forever.  I am writing this sitting by a chemo bed, it's a long chemo today which means we will be at GOSH most of the day.  We are in a ward with other children all going through the same shit we are but yet all in very different circumstances yet all with big smiles on their faces taking it all in their stride.  It's been a long day. Zacks chemo was hard today, he screamed from start to finish. But it wasn't just a cry it was a scream! Like he was in pain, calling for mummy, I was there but he just couldn't stop screaming! It was a hard day. I couldn't take away the pain he was feeling: I couldn't help him. The drs think he had an allergic reaction to his anti sickness, which can make you scream, go dizzy and hallucinate. Obviously he is too young to tell me how he is feeling! After about 45 of me wrestling him s...

 A hospital room is a funny place, lots of nurses but yet so lonely ! Lots of noise yet so quiet.  We've been in and out of Great Ormond Street and Barnet Hospital so many times that you'd think I would be used to it.  Everytime they say we need to stay in my heart skips a beat and I feel deflated. I blame it on myself. Why now? Where has he been? Who has he seen?  How long will we be there for? What will I do with the other children? Will they be okay! So many questions with answers not even the professionals can answer.  I am currently in the hospital waiting for Zack to have a platelet infusion. As well as anti biotics, and all these questions go through my head at least 100 times. Zack had a scan this week, this is our third one. We wake up at 5 and head to GOSH where we are seen at seven. Zack couldn't eat from 4, so I have already woken him up in the night to feed him. By about 9 he is taken down for the scan they have put him to sleep using sedation medic...

  Chemo  First chemo day 5th September The night before I packed up lots of snacks, toys and all the paperwork I needed for his appointment. It was the first chemo, we didn't know what to expect. Sam took the day off and we got an Uber together to GOSH - we had to drive as Zack isn't allowed to use the train - too many germs.  We arrive on the Safari ward, the nurses are all so lovely, kind and friendly. We have gotten to know them over the past year.  They showed us to our little bay? there were about 6 bays to a room and on this day they were all full. It was heart breaking to see all these children going through this. Some of them had set up their bays with all their things from home, some of them were even giving themselves medicine on their own.one thing I took from that day was however rubbish it was for the children they were all smiling.  The nurse came in and checked all Zack's vitals, weighed him, and made sure he was well. Eventually he was hooked up ...