Chemo

 Chemo 

First chemo day 5th September

The night before I packed up lots of snacks, toys and all the paperwork I needed for his appointment. It was the first chemo, we didn't know what to expect. Sam took the day off and we got an Uber together to GOSH - we had to drive as Zack isn't allowed to use the train - too many germs. 

We arrive on the Safari ward, the nurses are all so lovely, kind and friendly. We have gotten to know them over the past year. 
They showed us to our little bay? there were about 6 bays to a room and on this day they were all full. It was heart breaking to see all these children going through this. Some of them had set up their bays with all their things from home, some of them were even giving themselves medicine on their own.one thing I took from that day was however rubbish it was for the children they were all smiling. 
The nurse came in and checked all Zack's vitals, weighed him, and made sure he was well. Eventually he was hooked up to his chemo. This  would take an hour and a half. They gave him anti sickness as well to stop him feeling sick. Zack was amazing, I obviously sat there crying. He actually sat playing with us and eating a bagel as he was getting his chemo. After about 45 minutes he started to get drowsy. And he slept for a bit. When he started bleeping we knew it was done. They came to de-access his port, told us what signs to look out for, explained to us again about the different numbers for his bloods and reminded us to give him anti sickness every 6 hours. They told us that every Friday he would have a blood test to make sure all his blood levels are okay to continue to have the chemo the week after. 
Every Monday was chemo day - it was tough knowing You are putting your child through unimaginable pain and sickness to get them better. We couldn't have done it without our friends and families feeding us and packing us up with delicious lunches and providing us with dinners. 
Every chemo felt like one step closer to him being better. His hair slowly started to fall out but because he was a baby it was easier to explain to the children. 
As well as being in hospital for chemo, as soon as Zack gets a temperature above 38 we have to go directly to Barnet hospital for anti biotics. 

The first time this happened I panicked. We rushed him to hospital and it was all so scary, and horrible, again I had to leave the kids for a few days and not see them. We have been there many times now as Zack is prone to a temperature, we know all the staff now and they are always so lovely. 
Zack has had every infection and virus under the sun and if there was a prize for the most viruses I think he would win it. 
Some days I feel like we are reliving Covid all over again, having to check where we are going making sure no one in the family has a temperature or making sure there aren't too many people around, but we are doing it for his safety and health. 

Chemo made Zack really sick, he wouldn't eat or drink his milk for a few days after, he would be really tired yet not sleep in the night and be just really not himself. He felt better for a few days and then he had chemo again. Intense was not the way to describe it.i actually don't know how as a mother to describe it, but it was pretty shit!! 

 But 
After 10 weeks of intense chemo every Monday, back and forth to GOSh, his chemo had now changed to 3 weekly. This  felt a little strange, I knew this was a good step in the right direction but again nerve wracking. Mondays at GOSH felt like a security blanket and it became the norm. But I had to trust the medical professionals. 
Zack was doing really well with his chemo, it would end up taking a whole day and he was such a good boy. He usually slept through chemo on me as the anti sickness knocked him out. 
Every day  is stressful, would he wake up with temperature, would he be okay to go to childcare, would I get to work or would I be in Barnet with him? These questions still arise every day and we are constantly on edge worrying but we now know the protocol and have a bag ready to go if needed in the middle of the night. 

We are now at 3000 visits to Barnet hospital with many temperatures, but hopefully we are on the road to lots of positivity. He still has a year to go of chemo and lots more appointments and scans but he is really strong and amazing and I can't believe how well he has done. He is my inspiration. Zack now has chemo every 6 weeks at GOSH and then two smaller ones at Barnet in between that. With many appointments around his chemo. 
It's hard it's been a juggle and it's been shit, full of many many emotions, lots of tears and lots more grey hairs. But we are here stronger than ever with the very best of family and friends fighting this together and supporting us along the way. 

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