"Scan-anxiety"

 If you’ve ever faced a medical appointment for your child, you’ll know it’s a unique cocktail of stress, hope, and an overwhelming need for everything to go smoothly. For those of us with little ones who need regular scans, this anxiety can become to familiar. 

Recently, I experienced a prime example of “scan anxiety” with my two-year-old, a day that perfectly encapsulated the emotional rollercoaster of parenting a child with health challenges. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go as planned.

From the moment the date was penciled into the calendar, the countdown began. It wasn’t just a matter of logistics, though there were plenty of those to handle—fasting instructions, packing distractions for the waiting room, and of course, bracing for potential meltdowns. It was also the emotional weight.

What would the scan show? Was everything progressing as it should? These questions hovered like storm clouds over the day, accompanied by the usual nerves about whether my two-year-old would cooperate long enough for the process to even happen.

Toddlers are unpredictable at the best of times. Add in a clinical setting, strangers in scrubs, and a tight schedule, and you’ve got the perfect storm of chaos waiting to erupt.

We powered through the morning, got dressed at 6, and headed to the hospital. As the minutes inched closer to the appointment time, I found myself torn between wanting to reassure myself it would all be fine and worrying they might not even let us proceed.

And then came the moment of truth. After assessing my toddler’s breathing, the medical team gently but firmly delivered the news I’d dreaded: the scan couldn’t go ahead. He was too chesty.

In that moment, I felt every emotion imaginable: relief that they wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks with my child’s health, frustration at the disruption, and guilt. I felt every emotion imaginable. All that preparation, stress, and emotional build-up… for nothing.

It was hard not to feel disheartened. I’d psyched myself up for what felt like a monumental hurdle, only to have it postponed. The weight of anticipation was swapped out for the weight of rescheduling—and the knowledge that we’d have to go through it all again soon.

As parents, we often try to push through, staying positive no matter what. But it’s okay to acknowledge how frustrating and emotionally draining these situations can be. 

Though the scan didn’t happen, the day wasn’t a total loss, he still had his chemo and his anti biotic infusion. 

It gave me a chance to slow down and reevaluate how I approach these appointments. Yes, the anxiety is inevitable, but so is the need for flexibility and patience.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, know that you’re not alone. Cancelled scans, unexpected toddler illnesses, and last-minute changes are part of the journey. And while it can feel overwhelming in the moment, it’s also a reminder of how resilient we—and our little ones—can be.

For now, I’m holding onto that resilience as we wait for the rescheduled date. Fingers crossed, the next time goes a little more smoothly.